Pick-up Specialist: Chitchat To Avoid

Previously, I’ve covered the chitchat you should avoid with women when you’re making a pickup or trying to get a phone number. However, after watching a few of my comrades try and come up with witty material for the ladies, sometimes they still try out those boneheaded topics of conversation that nullify their hopes and dash their best chances. Here are a few more conversation topics to avoid when you’re making chitchat and leaving behind that important first impression.

Describing yourself (or your own character traits)

As confounding as it may seem, there are still those rookie Players who feel the need to explain their personality traits to a woman rather than have her figure them out for herself. Perhaps it’s done as a form of self-validation or an honest attempt at being, well, honest, but it does nothing to promote your cause. When you describe yourself, you are throwing away any mystery about your character. It’s one thing to describe your job or your hobbies, but personality traits? It’s a buzz-kill, and it's a perfect example of the chitchat that players should avoid. Your character is meant to be discovered naturally; she’s smart enough to figure out if you’re nice, shy or brave, and it’s up to her to come to those conclusions. Romantic pursuits require subtlety and a casual approach that doesn’t need a fact sheet of qualifiers to check off as you go along.

Putting down other guys

It’s a natural, instinctive reaction for a male of any species to be suspect of another guy snooping around his business, let alone the object of your affection. We’ve all done it: gotten jealous of a guy who might seem stronger or faster, or even just ripped on another guy to show that you’re the better man. As far as women are concerned, this is more of an internal conflict that you need to keep to yourself. Women are not impressed by you blatantly positioning yourself as the alpha male.

So how does a Player go about it? For starters, don’t feel the need to put down other guys. It’s insulting, aggressive and makes you look like a self-absorbed douche. Again, it comes back to the idea of subtlety -- if there’s another guy who irks you, just smile and nod. An attractive man is defined more by his patience and tolerance than by his foul mouth, and women know it -- so should a Player.

Your own idiosyncrasies

The only thing worse than displaying your bad habits or idiosyncrasies is bringing them up with women. Your peculiarities are not what she’s interested in, and she doesn’t need you to explain any of your “endearing” quirks. Much to the chagrin of today’s geek-inclined men, pursuing women, especially very desirable women, still doesn’t involve talking about your collection of miniature spoons. Never has, never will.

Of course, what you may consider a normal idiosyncrasy might not be so normal to anyone else. If one of your idiosyncratic behaviors is being extremely superstitious, change the subject to a higher-level discussion about fate or luck. Always keep an ear open to what you’re saying and how she may hear it. An easy way to identify chitchat to avoid are things that have the potential to get lost in translation, and idiosyncrasies usually can.

Past conquests

It’s the bane of a woman’s existence: a guy who goes into a lengthy, unnecessary harangue about the number of ticks on his bedpost, or the number of women he’s been with. Past conquests are a fragile topic of chitchat to venture into, especially with someone you’re trying to win over. It’s not that your target doesn’t want to know about your history with women, it’s just that some details (most details, actually) don’t need to be expressed.

Keep that aura of mystery and confidence, at least initially. Spilling the beans shows signs of desperation and a willingness to change just for her, which could turn her off. As she becomes more interested in you, release a few tidbits at a time, but never expose too much. Talking about conquests or relationships shows a degree of insecurity that will tarnish your image.